Libra
by greensilverblack
Summary: Revised. He had a choice to make, and it should’ve been easy – for someone like him. But even Uchihas have trouble weighing things out. Set in the much earlier series, just before Sasuke went out seeking Orochimaru for power. Tell me if it's worse.NejSasu


I made some minor changes, replacing some words here and there. Well, in all honesty I think the story came out a bit vague so I had to revise parts of it. I'm really sorry for the mess. I had to repost. Hope this one's better than the last.

On to the plot. I'd like to think that there's already something between Neji and Sasuke before the latter went drooling for Orochimaru. No other idea implied there. In any case, here's my take on it.

Many thanks to Shikams, who beta'd, pointing out my missteps with discerning eyes. Not to mention her insightful comments and encouraging praises. All hail Shikams!

This is my first attempt at Naruto and this pairing. I wish I had trudged the world of Sasuke just fine. Please be soft on any hint of OOCness. But every compliments or constructive criticisms will be very much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I confess that I own _not _Naruto, its characters, settings, or anything at all to do with either the anime or the manga. I'd really love to have Neji for my own though.

Enjoy!

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**LIBRA  
**_by odZ_

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I look up at the sky and notice how peaceful the clouds appear today. Even the birds seem blithe and carefree as they fly across the vast expanse of blue; confident with their own comfort zone. Tch. I'm musing more like him nowadays. But sometimes, I can't help but be jealous of those birds. While they worry about nothing, here I am, thinking of everything and anything to do about everything. I'm fighting a losing battle with myself, really. And I hate it. I hate being like this – so unsure of myself.

And what a suicidal attempt it is. I perfectly know that I must not present myself to him when my mind is in this state. Those piercing white eyes of his are deceiving. They are never blank, instead they can practically see right through me. It's completely unnerving. How he knows everything.

"Uchiha."

Cool, calm and composed. I school my facade perfectly, mostly out of habit. I just hope I don't overdo it.

I glance at his approaching form wordlessly. A look of acknowledgement shall be enough. Or else, it will betray everything. He quietly takes his seat beside me, under the loyal shade of an oak tree right outside the training grounds. It's much too early for people to wander around this part of the village; therefore the proximity is accepted, almost expected.

But he sits a good distance away. As if he needs permission to be near. Or perhaps he knows I need the space. Damn that Hyuuga. It has been just a single look!

"I need to tell you something." I murmur, secretly congratulating myself for succeeding with a flat tone which hides the fact that my stomach starts jumping on its own.

"Tell me. What troubles you?" He looks at me, genuine concern is written all over his face. I risk a second glimpse, and I think I see a hint of anxiety too. I have taken the risk. And now it's too late. He keeps my dark eyes captive to his – pure, white and welcoming.

There he goes again. It's utterly unsettling how he knows everything. I can feel the pressure of his eyes on mine. I'm aware that he can strip away the layers of masks and pretences I fabricated for myself anytime he wants. But he holds back and closes his eyes. He can know everything. But he never forces himself into me nor into my mind. Instead he asks. He always asks.

I warily withdraw from the eye contact and let out a soft sigh. With my back facing him, I stand up, breaking the closeness that was never there. I immediately regret it. My body protests and starts sending impulses to my brain that it needs that particular warmth. Neji's warmth. And I shiver in response. The truth is all I really want now is to sink once more into his strong arms and ignore the world, just like what I used to do these past few months. That's before my sweet brother showed me how disgustingly weak I still am. But I can't do that. Hell, I'll never even say that out loud.

I hear the noiseless rustling of clothes and can tell that he stands up as well. He takes some couple of steps and stops a few feet behind me. He's hesitating, I realize. But then, he closes the small space between us and gently holds my hand. Again, I let out a soft sigh at the contact, so faint that it may be mistaken for the light breeze.

"You're cold," he says matter-of-factly. I wonder if he's pertaining to my skin, my earlier shudder which for sure didn't pass unnoticed, or possibly my behavior itself.

"Why don't we continue this inside the Academy?" he offers. Ah, then the answer is certainly not the last.

"No. I'm fine." I think that may be too curt a response, even for me. Perhaps he will finally lose his patience on me and my stubborn pride. Is that how I want it to be? I consider turning around to apologize when I realize, he is still holding my hand. Still there, still waiting.

I feel him give it a light squeeze that seems to say _Please look at me._ So I finally turn and gaze at him. A weak smile escapes silently from his mouth. Is that relief? I almost look away yet again as the dire thoughts I want to tell come crashing back into me. However, I manage to pull myself together and prepare to finally confide in him.

I stare at him straight in the eyes, and say, "I need to leave Konoha." So straightforward, ruthlessly blunt. That is absolutely not how I have planned it to sound.

His face remains vacant then his eyes widen for a fraction of a centimeter as comprehension dawn upon him. I see a flash of pain and I inwardly ache myself. He doesn't say a word. Instead he tilts his head and looks closely at me, as if searching for more. But I reckon he doesn't truly grasp what I am trying to say. I feel the need to explain myself.

I release his hold on my hand and continue, "You know what my goal is. That's to kill Itachi. He took away my parents and my whole clan heartlessly and without hesitation. I was left alone, forgetting what affection was, what belongingness supposed to mean, what love actually felt like. Every night I'm plagued by the restless spirits of my clan. Every damned single night!" I pause, my eyes wide, startling myself at the lack of self-control. I think I have disclosed too much.

I become aware of my vision which is now blurry and my throat suddenly tight that it makes swallowing painful. My chest constricts agonizingly and my breath comes in gasps. This is unacceptable. I pretend to nonchalantly look up again at the sky, trying to force the traitorous tears back. Strange, I think I hear a scoff. I discreetly wipe my eyes with the back of my hand from the traces of telltale moisture and I notice later that I have used the same hand he has touched previously. When did I get so sentimental? Crying is a sign of weakness and I'm most definitely not weak, as I have convinced myself many times before. I take a deep breath and move the unfamiliar discomfort to the back of my mind.

"I need to take revenge. I have to. But right now, I need to be more powerful. I should be stronger so that I could fulfill this personal mission. The sooner, the better. And Orochimaru can give me exactly what I want. I need him for power. I know I can't trust him, but right now, he's the only source I could run to. Do you understand, Neji?" I voice out and it comes almost pleadingly. I hate myself for that.

"I do," he says smoothly, so dull that I can't help but to narrow my eyes. He fixes me once more with that penetrating stare. "I understand what you're trying to say. Your brother stole away the clan you cherished and the family you love and who loved you back. You were forced to live alone in this cruel world with your hopes and dreams crushed from the very start. A child should never be exposed to such great malice. But you were and you survived. That's because you are strong. You had a village that welcomed you, teachers who respected you, friends who supported you, and plenty of girls and I'm sure lots of guys as well that worshiped you."

I glare at him when he bares the slightest of smiles at that last remark. But it doesn't stop him from carrying on, "Sasuke, I'm not running over your life. But I believe you have to live in the present. You have to let it go. I've told you before that satisfying that revenge will just result to a tortured heart, along with the underlying consequences. You have to start to truly live a life, with new and happy memories. I need you to look at the people around you. They care and worry about you. They love you. _I _love you. Does that mean nothing to you?"

I sharply turn my head at him, neglecting to hide my anguish. Why is he asking me this? I love him, yes, even though I still can't say it upfront. I realize that I still have him waiting to hear that. I'm just too insecure of myself to say it out loud. But without a doubt I know what I feel. That's why I'm trying to be honest right now. He is the one who has shown me what love feels like, who has stayed patiently beside me, silently understanding all this time. Whenever I'm with him, I feel happy and whole. And I don't know if I can take being without him, now that I felt what it's like to be with him.

Still, I can't just disregard the drive that got me to endure my wretched childhood. I can't ignore the pleas of my clan's ghosts, haunting me for retribution. I am an avenger and I want to kill Itachi. Even if what it takes to achieve that is by becoming a traitor to the village and asking help from my enemy. My very soul thirsts for his blood. I will never find contentment if I do otherwise. I know I'd also kill for Neji. I'd do anything for him. Turn my back on everything for him. Except maybe, I don't know. I'm not sure of anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I hate it. That's just so unfair.

I have to voice it out, though just a part of it, "You're being unfair, Hyuuga. Don't make me choose between you and my goal."

He looks at me solemnly. Is he really expecting me to do just that? Before I can snarl the hurtful words forming in my mind, he whispers soulfully, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry Sasuke, but you know you have to. You'd only experience true contentment from one source. I'd accept whatever your decision may be. You know that I won't deny this from you."

Something inside me wavers. Again, my chest tightens excruciatingly. He's right, about everything. I know that I have to choose. But having a choice doesn't always mean an advantage. Especially if the given options are limited between the satisfaction of the soul or of the heart. I will have to kill a part of me, beyond doubt. And it'll be ridiculously foolish of me to expect it to hurt less bad.

I'm willing to trade anything just to get away from this dilemma. How can I be so stupid? I should've known that this will happen in the end. I should've thought of all potential outcomes from every possible perspective. I should've prepared myself beforehand. But apparently, I'm far from being ready.

I fail to remember all I am about to say, instead I reach out a hand and trace his jaw line. Memorizing how smooth and soft it is just like how his hair is supposed to be, and so are his lips too.

He starts to lean unto the touch then flinches and stops fleetingly. He looks at me with wide eyes, questioning. Plain confusion is painted on his face. Also there is hope laced with desire which disguise the growing fear, pain and torture underneath.

He doesn't hear a response. So he doesn't move and simply stand there, waiting. Up until now, I always have him hanging on for me. I wince; it must have hurt to wait blindly like that. All along I've been hurting him. And I hate it. A perfect creature like him doesn't deserve to be in any kind of pain. But he never forces anything out of me. He's waiting for my decision. And to my surprise, it comes to me gradually, so clear and unmistakable, willing me to understand. I have to stop myself from further hurting him.

An epiphany washes through me and with it comes my resolution. Only three words comprise my choice.

Small and yet ironically strong words that will seal both our lives and the destiny meant for us.

I shut the remaining gap between us and place my hands against his chest. I rest my head at the nook of his neck, kissing his jaw in the process. I let out a pensive smile at the familiarity of it all. Finally, I feel him holding me close to a tight embrace and I feel his warmth radiating to my entirety. I breathe in his scent and take as much sensation I can get from him as possible. Please, just let me... I have to do this, for both our sakes.

"I'm...

I'm not worthy to have you. If I am, then I'd never even think twice and we'd never have this conversation to begin with.

Even before the completion of my response, I sense him tense up. Slowly and most regrettably, I feel his arms falling away from me and back down to his sides, as if drained from any strength they possess. And I swear I feel something wet on my hand, right where he has touched me earlier. He truly can know everything. But still, he never forces himself into me nor into my mind. Not even into my heart.

...sorry too."

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_I can see the pain in you_

_I can see the love in you_

_But fighting all the demons will take time_

_It will take time._

_- 'Angels or devils' by Dishwalla –_

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Better? Please review and tell me what you think.

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